Burning In My Heart

Only this weekend up in Camerons, did the thot of "burning in our hearts" come to me as I shared the account of the 2 going towards Emmaus, Cleopas and his companion. They recounted that as Jesus spoke to them, they experienced a burning in their hearts. That passage always moves me no end, because the 2 on the road away from all their dreams and hopes, were engrossed in CONVERSATION about their experiences, when Jesus Himself found them in the midst of their conversation. And through His creative intervention, it became a RECREATIVE conversation for the two, cos they rediscovered their passion, their hope and their mission. (Luke 24:13-35).

As I was perusing a friends blog, I found a similar conversation moving. My fellow pilgrim was recounting the reading at a wedding he officiated, from the "Velveteen Rabbit". It reminded me of one sometime, longago when I first stumbled upon this reading. Something clicked and moved in me. Today, reading it again in a friend's blog, caused my heart to burn with rememberance and it caused a recapturing of the passion of wanting to be REAL! This is an overheard conversation in a playroom of a kid, where some toys pour out their hearts to one another, after the kids are long in bed :

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

This evoked a special feeling inside of me. Yeah, that's what being real is about! Having been loved to bit and tatters! And yes it hurts, but the joy of being loved is surpassing. My greatest lament is that so few of us want to take that RISK of loving. We rather have mere companionship or "using" of each other than really loving, because loving means we become REAL and it means getting our hair pulled out, ruffled and looking "beautifully ugly"!!!!

Sigh! It reminded me of my long conversation with a friend last nite on the phone. She was contemplating giving up on a friendship cos it hurts. Better to uproot now and run, than to stick around and be hurt! That's what she seemed to be saying. Yeah, I know that feeling. How tempting to cut and run! I often wish for that too, but ... something holds me back .... the burning in my heart ... I want to be real, I want to be loved!!!

R U REAL? Or are you merely some toy in someone's toy room?! Thanks friend, for reminding me of the "Velveteen Rabbit" conversation!!!

So this is an ODE to all who have loved me and still love me! I have become real because of you!! Thank you for that beautiful gift you have left in my life!!!