A Letter Of Apology

I have just come back from a CF meeting where I spoke. It was a topic I have given countless of times ~ "REMOVING OUR MASKS". I was surprised at myself and the difficulty I found in my personal preparing of myself. I really struggled in my spirit and sat down to ask myself why. Why was it that one of my favorite topics was giving me so much of pain?!

Well, we all put on faces and guises (disguises) in many things we do :
- SPIRITUAL guises
- SOCIAL guises
- ECONOMIC guises

Like on my recently concluded trip to Indonesia, I saw persons who played out spiritual roles like "guide", "holy advisor", "counselor" and yet I wondered how they were doing inwardsly. Masks are often used to cover up when our insides do not match our outsides.

Then i also saw people who played social roles and were elevated because of their titles, status, degrees, etc. I saw a man stand up on the pulpit and declare that he was now on par with the old scholars, because he had his PhD in theology!

The best was a meeting of Christian bosses where only one "kampung" girl appeared with a notebook (paper one) and pen. The rest were sitting behind real notebooks (computers) even during personal sharing times! These I would categorize as economic guises, ... or men and women who need to show off their big and small toys.

But, why so much of pain within? I realized that these days it is dangerous to make such a call to remove our masks! People aren't ready for the real thing. This is a world of superheroes and going big. Who wants a REAL PERSON? Full of weaknesses and flaws.

And even for the brave hearted who try, often we get the message, go clean yourself out. Become a super hero again. We want to see you fly. We do not want to see the real thing. Yeah! That caused me pain. Cos the greatest gift I believe we can give another, other than introducing them to Christ, would be to GIVE THE GIFT OF OURSELF! But many cannot handle that gift.

So to all who feel disappointed with the real thing, here is a letter of apology from me. I cannot be a super hero. I tried quite a part of my life, and I found the mask getting tighter and tigher, I was once Superwoman, then I dabbled in being a Mini messiah, and then moved on to be Mrs. Incredible. It is not me! I know I have disappointed you in not being more successful, or more incredible, or more holy or more ..... whatever! I AM SORRY. I just don't have what it takes.

So, I left the CF meeting making the call for them to remove their masks, but bearing within me the scars of having tried, and knowing the cost of it. People think less of the real thing.

So, if you're one of the gang who is trying to be real and finding it tough, join the club! Chow!